I guess they all know

Quite a busy day today. I had responded to a couple day time calls but no one else showed up. However, one was a structure fire at Community Hall on campus. A full-timer, Rich, was at the station and went with me in Rescue. We did not get to do much as the fire was out by the time we got there. Finally there was one last daytime call at about five-fifteen in the afternoon. I went to the station but no one showed up. So finally the duty crew showed up around six.

We talked with James about training and about the fire from last Friday night. We had to wash the rig because it was dirty from the crew before us. I was mad about that and sent a nice letter to both crew leaders to give everyone a reminder to wash the rigs because of the bad weather now. I decided not be get into a pissing match with the other crew leader whose shift did not clean the Rescue.

We were nearly done washing it when a call came out. We went to the scene only to get cancelled en route. We went back to the station after a stop at station one and re-washed the rig. This time we were done washing it and were about to back it into the bay to dry it when a call came out. We transported to the hospital.

After that call we washed Rescue yet again, and this time got it dry. We did our rig checks and called it a night. But it was only about ten o’clock pm. Keith and I started to watch Rescue Me when another call came out. When we were on that one a second call came out. I sent Rescue to that one and went to the hospital with the ambulance. As with my lucky it turned out that they used the pump on Rescue for the first time to put out a fire. I missed that one.

While at the hospital John was giving me a hard time about going. He said are you recruiting for your softball team? He said that because they guy was talking softball. Then he said or were you looking for a date. My eyes got big because he was saying that in front of Brad. He then told me that Brad knows and has known for some time about me.

So then we started to talk about how he and others knew. He said it was because of that call a few months back where a guy who was pretty feminine was talking about some stuff including doing drag shows. He said something and I happened to be there, and he insinuated that I knew something, that turned out to be sort of gay.

That got some people talking and asking questions. It was interesting, because I just happened to be there when he said it. Well anyway people asked older PFD members if I was gay, they were like “you didn’t know that?” So the word has gotten around all the full-timers some time ago that I am gay. I really did not want to know that. I was being careful not to let them know. Same with the Reserves. I don’t know if any of newer reserves know. I know some of the old ones do.

So now that I know that they know, it will be different. Now I am the gay guy. When someone happens that can be awkward, it will be twice as awkward because now they know I am gay. And I will be self-conscious because I know that they know, so I will wonder what they are thinking. I really wish I hadn’t found out that they know because my ignorange was bliss. Now I will always have it in the back of my mind.

The thing though is that there were some people who were full-timers who I sometimes wonder if they actually know or not. I have to assume they do. I have to assume everyone at the fire department who has been around a couple years knows, but many times I don’t get the feeling that it is affecting them at all. It seems like I interact with them just fine.

But now it is there. Now they know. Now it will always be a possible issue.