Whoa is Me

May 28th, 2010

The only plans I had today was to go out with Chia and go to bed early because I am working at the SO tomorrow. I took a little nap around four o’clock because I was pretty tired. At around five-thirty I got a text message. It was one I was halfway expecting. Sure enough Chia was backing out. So I was pretty disappointed. I don’t get to go out very often. I was excited to go out and hang out with someone, another thing I don’t get to do very often… And it doesn’t happen. I wanted to get some dinner, but I had no idea what I wanted. So I went to Dairy Queen and overate.

I think lately I have been eating very poorly. I need to get control of myself, but my stress level is very high. Not getting the fire job, my savings getting low, unemployment ending, being a mo, and no close friends nearby have weighed me down. If there was ever someone who would be a candidate for ending it all, you would think the above would be good reasons. But that is a long-term solution to a short-term problem. I look at others who kill themselves and it is such an irrational decision. Many times if those people waited for a bit thing would get better.

Also there is the fact that there are things to live for. There are many people who have it way worse. I must count my blessings. I still have reasonable health. I have a house, car, truck, motorcycle, quad, motorhome, and more. There is nothing to complain about. I also have softball. Too bad it is not held more often. Well, the whoa is me is over with.

I went to bed around nine-thirty and spent the next four hours trying to get to sleep. I was tossing and turning trying to forget about everything that has happened over the last few weeks.

Lots of EMS Calls Today

May 27th, 2010

I spent some time sending this afternoon applying for some more jobs. I also found out the one I really wanted in Bellevue was a no-go. I sent the message about being willing to work on a short-term trial basis to prove myself. I hope that will show I am willing to do what it takes and that they give me a shot. But I am not holding my breath after I got the E-mail saying they were not going to be doing any more interviews for the position for a while. I was wished luck in my continued job search.

This afternoon while I was trying to relax and watch some TV, I heard Pullman get called out for two ALS transfers. I contacted the station about doing some drive time this evening with some of the recruits. I was told there were also two transfers from Pullman to Gritman. Not long after that Colfax got toned out for a transfer from Pullman to Gritman. So I called in and said I could meet them at the hospital if they needed. They took me up on it. We did a transfer. Returned and did the second transfer.

When those were done I went home and got some dinner before heading to station one for the drive time with the recruits. We drove around Pullman in one of the large ambulances because they need more time in it. We were out driving around until eight-thirty.

I watched some more TV and then headed to bed just before midnight. We got a call just after midnight. It was upgraded from a delta to an echo. When the call was complete I got home and took off my boots. Before I could sit at my desk to work on the stats we got called for someone who fell. Just before we had a chance to leave that call in the ambulance a second call came out for an assault victim. We left one rescue guy with the first call and went to the second one. Both were taken code-three to the hospital. That is rare for us to do that.

While at the hospital a guy who worked there asked if I was a cop. I jokingly asked if I gave him a ticket or something. He said I did. So I was trying to remember more about it. He gave me details, but I couldn’t remember it. He said it happened about two months ago. I told him I would look it up to see if it was me. He gave me his last name. When he did that, I started to remember it. I think I remember giving him a ticket. I don’t remember a lot of details around the stop. I hope that after I read my report I will remember some more.

Decent Day in the Jail

May 26th, 2010

My only plan for the day was to write my column and work at the jail this evening. I got the column written and submitted. I wrote about the Arizona immigration law.

I was catching up on some TV shows when I got a call saying that I didn’t need to come in if I didn’t want to. But I had already planned on it and scheduled my day around it. So I went in.

It wasn’t a bad day at all. I sort of enjoyed being there. I did a hearing on a write up an officer had. I did some rounds and helped to serve dinner. They were also giving out some Hep-C tests for the corrections officers if you wanted one. I figured working in the line of work that I do, it would be a good idea to get a baseline.

Cleaning Up

May 25th, 2010

I spent this morning working getting some job applications sent out. I am working to find a job. I had high hopes for a while, but now I am not so sure something is going to happen.

I spent this afternoon washing my rig. I also got some stuff inside the rig cleaned up and looking good. I then worked on my driveway to clean it up. It was something I needed to do for a while. But now that it is done it looks good. I worked on my lawn, but I still need more work on that.

I completed my work in time to get my uniform on for softball for tonight. I picked up Steve and headed to Moscow. I went to Tri-State to drop off the jersey’s to get numbers put on them. Then it was off to the field for the game. We were playing against Agripro. It wasn’t even close. We went out in the first inning and batted around. I played first base. I didn’t hit the ball too well. I was hoping to kick butt with the batting average this year, but so far, not so good. I was trying to hit a homerun two times when I came to the plate. That didn’t help.

After the game Bruce and I talked about the idea of a tournament and maybe doing a late season softball league. Bruce wants to try to do something like that in Pullman.

I went to Pullman and got ready to work the fire department. But it was nice and not-busy. That was good.

Final Grave

May 24th, 2010

Today is the end of the second and the beginning of the third day that I am going to be working graveyard. I got off work and went home. I watched some TV then slept for four hours. I watched more TV and got some Pipeline. I went back to bed around five in the evening. I slept until nine and started my day.

I went to the jail working the final of my three graveyard shifts. I was working with Mark. It was a laid back night. I pretty did four rounds and that was about it. There wasn’t a lot that had to get done around the jail. I left at six in the morning and headed home.

Just Like Back in the Day

May 23rd, 2010

Just like when I use to work full-time in the jail, I did another twenty-four plus hour day. I got home from the jail and went to Moscow for my softball game. We ended up losing the game. It really wasn’t close. I played first. I didn’t hit worth beans.

I hung out at the field for a bit talking to Billy, Ron, Bruce, and Heather. I got home and stayed up until noon when I was done being on call for the coroner. I then went to bed. I had been up for about twenty-eight hours. I was going to get about four hours of sleep before I would have to get up and head back to the softball field. Tonight I was playing a co-ed game against Ernie’s team. They are the number one team right now.

We played them tight. It came down to their final at-bat in the seventh. We had a three-run shot in the top of the seventh to put us up by one. Only to lose it with a two-run basehit.

I went home and got into my jail uniform. I went to the fire station where rig checks were going on. They were just completing them. I talked to the new guy about him starting to respond on calls. I went to Colfax and went to take a nap in the basement of the jail. I got up just before eleven and replaced the guys in the jail.

I was working with Brett again. It was pretty quiet for us. I did the first set of rounds and the last set. I also brought in Transformers Two. We got to watch that as the night went on. I headed out around six in the morning.

Oops, No Sleep for Scotty

May 22nd, 2010

This morning was cold and windy. I had a softball game first thing in the morning in Moscow. I am playing in a softball tournament. We were doing well on the first game and at one point had a lead of nearly twelve runs. But as time went on we allowed a lot runs for the other team. We were not scoring like we should have been. We soon gave up the lead and couldn’t win. We had a one game break and then played again. We won that game. Then we had another break of two games. We played again in Moscow. It was not to be. The rain started to fall. We were all getting wet and it was already cold. We lost the game by getting twelve runned by the Coor’s Light team.

When the game was done I told Matt I would work the road with him. I want to help the guys who need hours to get out there. I got my uniform on and Matt came over to pick me up. It was a long time since I put that thing on. We got to the SO and got the car ready. It turned out my map book and log book were in the car still. It has been nearly a month since I last worked. That car only got two hundred miles on it in the last month.

Just after I got to the SO, Cooper came into the Chaplain’s office where I was getting equipment. He closed the door and asked me what was going on. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to tell him. He told me that if I have a problem that I can and should come in and talk to the guys. They are there for me. He said that a lot of the guys had been asking about me. They wondered why I hadn’t been working. They also saw I wasn’t quite my normal self. It is clear that he was good about keeping my wish of not telling people about my situation. He said Rick wanted to know what was going on and Cooper kept it quiet. I was very happy about that. Talking with Cooper was very helpful for me.

Matt and I went to dinner with everyone and then went to Albion to work there for an hour. We headed towards Pullman when my phone rang. It was the jail and they wanted to know where I was. It turned out my graveyard shift that I thought I was doing tomorrow night was supposed to be tonight. That royally sucked. I hadn’t slept since the morning. I wasn’t going to get any sleep at all and I knew that would mean I would be up for a long time. Also, because of all the softball on Sunday I figured I wouldn’t get a lot of sleep and I would be hurting.

I went home and put on my jail uniform and headed in. I was working with Brett. I was doing well for the first several hours. But as four o’clock in the morning was rolling around I was starting to get really tired. I had to be there until six in the morning. It sucked.

Indian Jail Birthday Theme

May 21st, 2010

This evening I headed down to Eddy’s for the goodbye party for Ken. We were having dinner and dessert. We had some stories about Ken and he told us about the latest in his life and his family. Pete said we were going to frame an on-call schedule for Ken, but we couldn’t find one that he was on. Everyone started to crack up. That was a good roast. At the end of the meeting we talked about my situation at Pullman Fire. Annie and I spoke for a while longer outside. She is such a super great person. I love working with her. She said that when the time comes and Pete retires she would love to see me become the next coroner. She said she would help me in any way she could to help me do that.

Then I headed up to Zeppoz to hang out with Mitzel at his birthday party. It was his fortieth. The theme is a jail theme. People dressed in orange. They got Mitzel black and white stripes to wear. We laughed and jokes about the theme. I had a chance to talk with several people from the gang while I was there. It was nice to get a chance to hang out with everyone. I left around eleven to get home so I could get up early for softball tomorrow.


May 20th, 2010

This morning I went to the fire station to complete a class that I missed on Monday due to being out of town. It was on Wildland Urban Interface. It lasted about two hours. After the class I met with Heston to learn what I could do to interview better. He suggested getting some more certs. Maybe showing how I am using the certs I have. He said being very clear about my intention to making the fire department my number one priority. It sucks that actually demonstrating that fact doesn’t amount to anything. I just have to say it is my number one priority. It is not about what I have done or what I have shown I will do. It is about what I say I will do. Lesson learned. I let the him know I am actively searching for a job and I don’t know what my future holds as I now need money and I am going to be more willing to accept a job.

After that, I headed home to send a couple E-mails to the people I interviewed with. One was to the first interview that went real poorly. I said that I understand I didn’t do well in the interview, but I can code. I sent some more samples of code and let him know that code I wrote in the document he gave me to fill out was not a copy and paste from the Internet. He E-mailed me back and said I am not a good fit for the team I interviewed for, but there may be another spot for me.

I also E-mailed the company that I interviewed for in Bellevue. We didn’t cover any of my code. So I sent a sample of the code, the sample I put together for the interview. I also reiterated some of my strong points letting them know I would do a great job if given the chance. I don’t know how far that will go. I am very hopeful for that. But I am not holding my breath too much.

I heard back from them as well. It pretty much said that the code would be forwarded. I just hope they forwarded my E-mail message as well.

I went to the jail and worked this evening down there. I went to Rosauers to get some dinner because I didn’t feel like chicken. While there a couple of the deputies were getting dinner. I was asked by one of them when I was going to work next. He is the one that I have sort of had a internal problem with recently and the reason why I have been staying away. So I just sort of changed the subject and said slightly under my breathe that I have been busy.

I was in a mood that was one I could not describe. I have so many things going through me right now. There is the frustration over not getting the job at PFD. There is this feeling like some people are nice to me, but are not really friends, even though I would love for them to be friends. There was the desire not to be at the jail. The personal issue I have on the patrol side. The hope for getting the job in Bellevue. The desire to stay in Pullman to complete this softball season. The sleepiness that I had going too. I feel like I need to just get to the top of some building and scream and yell my lungs off. I need to thrown things and be violent with clay pigeons. I just need to get this feeling out of me. It feels like I have tucked it deep inside and on the surface most people don’t even know these horrible feelings I am having. I am playing it off very well. If I were to act the way I was feeling people would know there was a problem, but there is nothing that anyone can do about the fact I didn’t get the job. Though I feel like a total loser for not getting it. I feel like the politician who should have won an election, but someone else ended up winning showing the politician that people really don’t like him as much as he thought.

Special Day at the Pigs

May 18th, 2010

I went to lunch at the Three Pigs with Jon, Terry, and Jim. Normally they go Thursday’s but today was a special day because I was in town.

The boys had some playoff baseball games tonight. I went to Justin’s game. Jon is one of the coaches of the team. I watched several innings of the game. Then I left to go home and work on some of the code that I needed to bring in to the interview that I have tomorrow. After I was done making sure it was clean I sent it to Jon to have him look at it. He said it looked good. I packaged it up and put it on my thumb drive ready for tomorrow’s interview.

Final Seattle Interview

May 18th, 2010

I had an interview this morning at one other place. It was in Bellevue. I really want to get this job. I like the location and I like the size of the company. They sat me at a computer and had me do some SQL queries. I was going okay on some of them and not too good on other ones. They allowed me to do some searches for the answer if I didn’t know for sure. When it was done I don’t think I was as fast as they would have liked. I didn’t have the best of feelings when I left, but I am hopeful. I hit the road and headed back to Colfax. Because I was in my interview clothes I stayed in those to work the jail. I ended up staying in control for the whole night. I didn’t have to do any rounds. That was a nice change.

Job Interviews

May 17th, 2010

I drove to Seattle late night so I could go to a couple job interviews today. The first one was at Microsoft. It would be working for one company and then getting sent to be part of a team doing work for Microsoft. This was the technical portion of the interview. It didn’t got too great. The question was about lists and array’s. I just don’t do them enough to be able to discuss them very well. When it was all said and done the interviewer spent most of the time at the white board writing stuff and I ended up writing two words. I haven’t heard back from them yet. I doubt I will.

The next interview was with a company in downtown Seattle. It was for a company that has an ecommerce website. The guy who does it now is a Brit. As the interview went on I started to see him as hotter and hotter. His accent was just great to listen to. Then it was his hair. I just wanted to stay talking to him. But it was not to be. The interview ended. I just wanted to stay though because the more I talked to him the more attractive I was finding him. The style he did was fun. He showed a simple webpage that had some calculator functions.

In the evening I was watching House. While that was on I texted back and forth with Peter a little bit. Then I talked to Russell. He was in Bellevue. We met up there and caught up. When I showed up he ran out to meet me and gave me a hug. We went inside and talked. He was telling me about his schooling and the networking that he is doing. We went to my rig and continued to talk for about another hour. I was telling him about my situation with the job interviews and my situation at Pullman Fire and my long term livelihood in Pullman. I let him know that I am resigned to the fact that I will be moving back to Seattle soon.

Early Sunday Rig Checks.

May 16th, 2010

We are doing an early rig check today. I got to the station around three o’clock and started to do rig checks on the engine. I got it almost completed when the other guys showed up. We were going to meet at four, but I wanted to make sure I was done in time to get to softball. When rig checks were done I went home and got my softball uniform on.

I headed down to the field and we had ten people on the nose. I played first base the whole time. We won pretty easily. I didn’t hit the ball great, but it was fun to get out on the field. We are undefeated so far this year. We had a good team for sure!

I then hit the road and headed back to Seattle. I had several interviews over the next couple days and the first one is at nine in the morning in Redmond at the Microsoft campus.

Final Thunder Football Game

May 15th, 2010

This morning I did the first thing with the SO in the last couple weeks. We had boat patrol training. We were learning how to do the boat safety inspections and did some driving of the boat. That was from eight to eleven. I headed home and took a nap because I was really tired. We always have those sleep-deprived nights at the fire department when I am not able to sleep in the next day.

I then headed down to Lapwai for the final Thunder game of the season. There were only fourteen people for the Thunder. I said I should have brought my uniform. But there is no way I could have played. My ankle was not feeling well at all. They were out-manned and it was bad. They were tired and lost the game. I got to the top of the Lewiston grade when I realized I left my sunglasses in the PA booth. So I drove back to Lapwai and picked them up.

Then I went home and called Shane about his house warming party. I went over to his place. Kuhrt, BKoe, and some others were there. I had some pop and we sat around talking for several hours. Then a lot of them got into the hot tub. I hung out there for a while longer, then I went home to go to bed and get some sleep. I was pretty tired after the last day and a half.


May 12th, 2010
If you are getting too little of what you want and too much of what you do not like, now is the time to assert yourself and have complete control of your destiny! Stop drifting along with no plans and idea of where you will go from here. Stop staying in the comfort zone for too long that you feel uncomfortable facing new challenges. The time is TODAY GET REAL!
I found this posted on a facebook posting by a friend. I am not sure if he made it up or found it elsewhere. But I think it is a great thing to think about.

Summer Men’s Softball Season Starts

May 11th, 2010

I had a couple phone interviews today. One of them didn’t go well, but the other one was going better. I am actively searching for work in the Seattle area now. I need a job and I want to get into computer programming again. I know I can get on some softball teams. So, I may be Seattle bound in the next couple months.

I went to the fire station to find out where HazMat training was going to be held tonight. I also had a chance to talk to the guys on B-Shift. They said they were disappointed I didn’t get the job. They were hoping for me to get it.

Around six I headed to station one for HazMat training. But it was moved to the Deuce. I went to the Deuce and we went over some new testing kits we got for some biological agents.

Then I went to the softball field for our first men’s game of the season. We have had three rain outs. But tonight we were going to play.

I had a bad time pitching. I threw thirteen pitches. Only one was a strike. Then I went to first base. We went on to win the game. I had a hard hit ball down the firstbase line. I took a step or two and stuck my mitt out. I snowconed the ball. I could see it starting to move out of the mitt. As it started to fall free I barehanded it with my free hand for the out. I got a lot of people cheering me on for that. Even some people on the other field saw it and made good comments.

Hitting was a problem. I had two good hard hits. I finally hit a double like I did a few years ago. A solid hit to right-center field in the gap. It felt good. I hope to do that a lot this season.

Time to Move On

May 10th, 2010

I am working hard to apply for jobs in the Seattle area. I am willing to move there should I find the job that works for me. I have come to terms with leaving Pullman.

I went to the fire station to talk to the chief about not getting the job. He said we can meet next week when he is less busy to talk about it. I am on edge waiting to find out what happened. I want to scream and yell, but it will not do any good. But I need to know what happened for my own closure.

Tonight for Monday Night Training we did firefighter survival. We covered a lot on the SCBA and did some crawling around in tighter spaces working to move around the SCBA to make it through the space.

After training several of us went to dinner then to my place to watch the Hangover. As the day went along I had moments of feeling okay to moments of being upset.

Dealing with Crushing News

May 9th, 2010

Hard to think of anything about today other than the letter I received. I started out today up the tower working on doing EVAP check offs for the new guys.

I headed home and stopped to get my mail. There was a letter from the city of Pullman. Right away I knew what it was. I wasn’t selected to be a career guy. It felt like a kick in the gut. I didn’t feel like doing a lot, but I have to keep on.

I went to softball, but I went early. So many things are flying through my head I just need something to take me away from the overwhelming sense of rejection and failure. I wasn’t sure how to deal with this. But I do know is that quitting is not the correct option.

We played against Bill’s Welding in softball. We beat them. I did my normal stuff at softball. When we left I let Heston know I got the letter. I wanted him to know that I knew I didn’t get the job and that I was still the guy I normally am.

I did however find someone to cover me at the fire department. I needed to be away from it for a while. I talked to Turpin at the fire station for a little while and then on to the house. I had a couple beers and talked with BKoe for a while about it. We had some friends come over and played Settlers of Catan. It felt good to get my mind off of everything. What I need to distance from the whole things. Dwelling on it and yelling about it will not change it. I have to come to terms with it and then move on. As hard as it is, I need to do this.

I talked to Ryan on the phone about it for a while. He is the first friend I told I didn’t get the job. I let a couple others know after him. I also called my mom and wished her a happy Mother’s Day. I let her know I didn’t get the job.

That is what I am doing. I am not a big drinker and I am not one who needs to use alcohol when things go bad. For the most part I hardly touch the stuff. But tonight was a night I just wanted to sit in the backyard. Listen to some music. Sip on a cold one and just let me mind go.

I did that for the most part, but BKoe was there and I was able to get some things off my chest. That is what I need more than anything. It is good to get things off my chest.

Didn’t Get Pullman Fire Job

May 9th, 2010

I was turned down for the career job at Pullman Fire. I knew my interview went poorly, but I had hoped all the work I have done would not be over looked. It was. I don’t want to do anything rash, but I have to get a full-time job soon, I think I am at the point where I will take one no matter where it takes me.

I am not sure how to approach the chief about this. I think I will just ask what I could have done better or what about my interview made it so I was not accepted.

I just want to crawl in a hole right now and tie one on. But I have to work tonight at the fire department. I would rather not. I would rather take the evening off.

But I think the long of the short of it is that I need to think. I need to sit down and really consider my next path. I need to consider Whitcom. I need to contact them and let them know that I would like to be seriously considered up there.

But as I have always said, there is a reason for everything. At this time I cannot understand what in the world it would be. Maybe this was supposed to push me to the West side. Maybe this was to push me back to computers. Maybe this was supposed to push me into law enforcement. I just don’t know.

I am going to keep the course for now. I am going to continue to work as I always have. I am going to not do anything rash.

Saw Him in Pullman

May 8th, 2010

I just saw the ten-six-seven I wrote about yesterday who went to Stateline with his dad and grandpa. I was turning out of Blake’s apartment. I want to say goodbye to him and wish him the best because I didn’t get to do that last night. As I left his apartment complex I saw a truck drive by me. The person in the passenger seat looked just like the guy I saw last night. I immediately noted that when he drove by. Then I turned on to the road and I was behind the truck. It has the same sticker in the back window as the truck did last night. I then knew for sure it was the same guy. That was just crazy.

The Day in Spokane

May 7th, 2010

I got up and made it to the fire station to head to Spokane for a goodbye party for Pritch. He is going to a new fire department. We went to Northern Quest Casino first. We played craps for a while. I don’t know much about it, but I did okay at first and ended up losing eighty bucks in my learning how to play it.

We grabbed some lunch and went over to El Patio. It is a hole in the wall kind of place the guys like. We played some pool and shuffelboard. We hung out there for a couple hours. Then it was off to Stateline. We watched the performers and it was a good time. Not really the kind of place a Mo hangs out, but I had a good time. While there I found some eye candy for me to watch. It gave something for everyone to watch. He wasn’t there all that long, but it was weird, it looked like he was there with his dad and grandpa. I wouldn’t want to go to a place like that with my family like that. At one point someone pulled up his shirt. That, of course, didn’t bother me. It was simply more eye candy for me.

We left around six to get back to Pullman in time for me to be at the fire station by eigth o’clock PM. I drove back Richards’ truck and Chia was with me. Today was good with him. After a little bit of time it was like we were back to normal. I am glad I wrote him the message the other day. It made for a better day today. I had a good time hanging out with him and the others.

Chia and I had a good talk on the way back and spent time talking about the sheriff”s office and his interest in being a reserve. I think it would be cool for him to join up.

When I got home and I went to the Deuce. I was talking to Chuck and Pauly. They were giving me a hard time about knowing if I got the job and I told them I didn’t know. They thought I knew but was told not to tell anyone. But they did not believe me in the slightest. The funny thing is no one believes me. I was asking them how long after the interview they found out. I have heard people say anything from an hour after the interview to a week later. So I am not sure what to think. I wish I knew.

But I have been thinking about it. I am not sure if I will stay a reserve past this month. If I get the job that I will leave the reserves to be full-time. If I don’t get the job part of me would think it would be time to leave the reserve program. Just on principle alone. I wouldn’t be very happy to continue to be there if I was not hired. But if the decision is based only on the interview and nothing more, it could be bad for me. Only time will tell. Needless to say I am not feeling good about things right now.

So today was good because I had a good time with the guys in Spokane and I had a chance to be with Chia and get past things, but I am pretty stressed about not knowing what the future holds. But as I always say, thing happen for a reason. If I don’t get the job it will be for a reason. Only time will tell.

Freak Snow Hits Parts of the County

May 6th, 2010

I headed into the SO to work in the jail. I went in a little early to. On my way out the Pullman-Albion Road I went by a car accident. There as a one mile stretch that was snow covered and nasty roadway. One firefighter was on scene and I asked if he needed help. He said no and I continued to the SO.

While at the jail Chia and I sent some text messages back and forth. He was happy I finally talked to him about what was going on. He also sent me a friend request on facebook. So he actually deleted me as a friend. I asked him when he did that. He said about four days ago. I haven’t accepted the friend request yet.

I wasn’t too busy of a day around the jail. I entered a couple warrants and I booked one person. The other part of the time I did some rounds and served dinner. I was in a better mood compared to yesterday, but it wasn’t a ton better.

I got off at about ten and headed home. I didn’t do much around the house before I went off to bed. I was tired and I needed to be up around eight in the morning to go to Blake’s going away party.

I still have not heard about the job yet, and I am very nervous about getting it.

In a Off Mood

May 5th, 2010

Due to the bad interview at the fire station that I wrote about earlier, some of my issues with the SO, and the stuff that happened with Chia yesterday I have not been in a great mood. While at the jail I wasn’t taking a bunch of the whining that I normally hear. This time if someone was complaining or whining about something I put an end to it. That is what happened at dinner. Someone was complaining about the portions they got at dinner. I put an end to it. The next round my partner said the inmates were saying I was not very nice. I guess sometimes it sucks being in jail.

I just was in a dumpy mood. I didn’t feel like taking much of anything. Doing the work there from time to time would take my mind off things. I wish I was in a better mood. Normally I am in a good mood, it was just not a good day for me.

When I got home I spent some time writing a message to Chia on facebook. I let him know I was sorry. I let him know that yesterday was not a good day and I just needed to think and that is why I wasn’t wanting to talk. I felt bad because Chia is a good person.

Not Feeling to Good About It

May 5th, 2010

I had my chief’s interview for Pullman Fire today. I am not sure how I did. Actually when I left I felt like I didn’t do too well. As I was driving away I thought of areas I should have touched on. I should have been more enthusiastic. I should have included more information on some subjects, such as what I want to do for the fire department and where I see myself in five years. I think I left a lot on the table.

As I walked out of the station I just didn’t have the feeling like I nailed it. It is like when, in college, you take a final. You know right away if you did well or not when the test is complete. You know if you knew the stuff or not. I left thinking that I earned a C- or D on this interview. I don’t think I outright failed it, but I sure could have done a ton better.

I would hate to think how well I would have done if this had been my chief’s interview if they didn’t know me at all.

The Blues

May 4th, 2010

I didn’t know what today has in store for me. This was one of those days with nothing except for softball planned. The way the weather was holding out I thought we might play. I was starting to make serious plans to play. But I found out around four o’clock PM that it was cancelled. The cancellation of softball left it open for me to go to OTEP training in Albion. We covered trauma assessments.

As the day started out I did a lot on my computer. I was reading up on some stuff online. I tried to find some resources that will tell me how to get the alternator out of my motorhome. I failed at that.

After training I came home and got online again. I chatted with someone online for about an hour talking about being a firefighter and houses. I was watching NCIS when they paged for a transfer. Then they paged for reserves. I waited about one or two minutes to call in. I have to get up early for my interview so I chose to allow someone else to take it so I could sleep. I knew if I took it I wouldn’t get back until late. I was the only one who called in.

I was told I was working with Chia. That would be interesting. He thinks I am mad at him right now. He tried to call me a while back and I didn’t call him back after he left a message. But what I found is that after I left the fire department working full-time I was forgotten about and not asked to participate with stuff. I came to the realization that we were co-workers who did some stuff outside of work rather than friends.

That said, when I got the call from him I know he wanted me for something other than to hang out. I figured it was something computer related or something related to the SO. I figured I would get back to him when I could.

A couple weeks ago he sent me a message on facebook saying that he hadn’t heard from me in a while and wanted to know if he did something to make me mad. I never responded, but there is nothing I am mad about. There have been many times where I sent him texts or said stuff on his facebook page with no response.

We went to Spokane and dropped off our patient. As we were coming back to Pullman, he said now that I have you trapped I want to know what I did to make you mad. I told him nothing. He pushed the issue several times, each time I told him I wasn’t mad. Later we were driving down the road and he fell asleep. I was thinking about how I could tell him what was up, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. Then he woke up and again asked if I was ready to talk. I wasn’t.

I was also thinking about things at the SO. I like the work, but I feel like every time I am in the same room with one guy he gives me a hard time. I don’t mind that because he does that to everyone and I laugh about it. But it also feels like I get “yelled” at for things. It feels like I am being held to a higher standard than some of the other guys. I am not sure if it is because more is expected of me or if it is something else. He has also given me some nice atta boy’s too. So, I am totally lost about how to read him. I know I haven’t done anything wrong while I have been there, but it feels like I cannot walk across the floor correctly. It makes going into the SO something I don’t want to do when that person is around. Who know, I am probably being hyper-sensitive.

But the whole trip back to Pullman I was very quiet. I didn’t say much of anything at all. When we got to the station I entered the call into the book. Chia completed his stuff and then left the room without saying anything. I left the station and went home to go to bed.

I need to talk to Chia, but I am not sure how to say what I am feeling. Really it is just that I feel like we are nothing more than co-workers. But that said I should be able to talk to him like I can my other co-workers. Last night was just a bad night with both of these things running through my head.

Getting Work Done

May 3rd, 2010

I decided that I would stick around the house and in Pullman and get some stuff done. The staff webpage and the photoboards and both stations needed some work. So I got some photos printed as well as new name plates for all the reserves who just became EMTs. I got those put up. I went out looking for a bolt I need to fix the motorhome. I still need to figure out how to get the alternator out and the new one it. I think I am going to be doing some searching on the web.

Other than that it was sit around and watch some TV night. I sent a text to Gunnar to see if he wanted to come over. He came over around nine o’clock. We watched House and then parts of about three other shows. Nothing else was on that I wanted to watch. We talked for quite a while.

I am not sure what to think. I really like having someone I can hold on to, but I am not sure he if the perfect fit for me. Some of the same issues I use to have with him have not gone away. Sometimes I think that getting in contact with him only is leading him on.

Lots of Softball Today

May 2nd, 2010

I met up with Matt and headed down to Lewiston to play in the softball tournament. We lost both games yesterday. We played with nine guys all day yesterday. The first game was the exact same. We only have nine guys. I ended up getting the nod to pitch. I have to say I did fine. No walks. It felt good to do that with Billy watching so he can see I have the ability and maybe I will do something other than just pitch. It was a close battle with the game going either way multiple times. But we ended up winning.

The way today was going to go is that we would continue to play until we lost, then we would be done. The second game we played against a team from Oregon. We actually played them really tight. They had a couple guys who liked to go up the middle a lot. I don’t like that so much.

In the fifth inning we switch to a five man infield. I went to first base. The final play with us on defense was a double play. With the ball being thrown into the dirt. I made a good dig. Once again I was happy to do that in front of Billy. I just don’t want to be stuck as a catcher all season.

We were down by two runs. Then we gave up a couple more and were down by six. We needed to score a lot of runs, but we were not able to scratch any out and lost the game. It sucked to lose that one because we very well could have won it.

I went home and worked on the alternator for the motorhome. I have to put a new one it. I worked for a while to get it unbolted and the electrical wires unplugged. They were all gunked up making it take a lot longer. But once I got it unplugged I could not get it out of the engine compartment because of how tight things are.

I decided to go get a new bolt to replace one of the one I took out. It is partly striped out and I don’t want to put it back into the new one. I drove around yesterday looking for a replacement, but I couldn’t find one. I am going to have to search more tomorrow.

The evening I got a text from Ross about working the road. I said I would. So I ended up setting up the DVR to record the Simpson’s and the Family Guy.

Before working the road I went to play some co-ed softball. We are supposed to play B-league this season, but our team was doing well. We won nineteen to one. It was a blow out. After seeing the score I am afraid Kurt may put us in A-league. We have got some new women on the team and they are pretty good.

When the game was done I went home and got into my county uniform and headed in to work. Ross and I hit the road. We went to do some time in Albion. I was letting Ross do everything and I just sat there because he is working to get to first class. We made several stops during the evening. We called it a night around one in the morning.

I stayed at the SO for a little bit longer and worked on a template for Rick. I was able to get it completed and tested it a little bit. It worked nicely.

The Thunder Win!

May 1st, 2010

I was playing in a softball tournament in Lewiston this weekend. Our first game we played against a team we should have beat. They were not that great, but we couldn’t hit. I was hitless in the game. That really sucked. The team we played against had this guy who played catcher. He had brown eyes, but he was well built. Just a bit shorter than me. He had short hair. I was playing catcher too so I was able to check him out as he came to the plate each time.

I was dragging because of how late I was up. Several of us went to Sharps for lunch while waiting for our next game. We were waiting at the field. But a storm was moving in. It hit hard about twenty minutes before the game was to start. The rain caused a b ig delay in the game. I had to leave to do the Palouse Thunder football game. So I took off and headed to Lapwai.

I got to the field and got my stuff set up in the booth. The music was playing and I worked on getting the roster from the Columbia Basin Riverhawks squared away. The interested thing about football is that there are people of all shapes that play. There is always eye candy at such games. The Thunder went on to win. It was close for the first half, but the second half they pulled away. But the Riverhawks only had fifteen people on the team so they were playing both ways and they were getting tired.