Coming out to Trailbuddy

September 16th, 2009

This afternoon I decided it was time to get my rig washed. It was all cleaned up and looking nice. I went to my bedroom when I heard my coroner’s pager beep. I was the guy on call and I forgot to carry my pager. I looked and the call was only about ten minutes old.

I called Whitcom and got sent out to a house near St. John. It took me about four hours to do the investigation. Due to the death my planned movie night had to get cancelled. That sucked.

A guy I knew back in the day found me on facebook recently. I always liked him. I thought he was a ten-six-seven, but back in those days I really tried to ignore my homosexual thoughts and I suppressed it as much as possible. It was back at that time that I had been with a girl. Unfortunately, that girl also was his girlfriend. We sort of had a love triangle going, but I was with the wrong person in the love triangle.

We had been writing back and forth lately, and I decided to come out to him. This is what I wrote to him:

It has been a long time since it happened, but I still feel bad about betraying your trust like I did.

This is sort of weird, but I was having internal struggles back when we knew each other. I tried to hide from who I was, who I knew I was, but I still knew that there was nothing I could do about it. I totally ignored it back then. I even tried to pretend that it wasn’t true. I sort of believed that I could wish it away. But it wasn’t possible. Even though I had been with a girl, I wasn’t physically attracted to her.

It wasn’t until I got older that I started to accept the fact that I am a gay man. I was very uncomfortable with it. I am still uncomfortable with it, but as time has gone on, I have gotten a little bit more comfortable. There was a time I wouldn’t even admit it to myself. Now I finally can admit it to myself and I can tell some people.

I am not even fully out to people. I haven’t told a lot of people. Most of my old friends are still in the dark about it. Even some of my newer friends are in the dark about it. It seems like most people I know tend to find out from other people. I have actually only outed myself to a relatively small number of people. You can count yourself as one of those people now.

He said that he was pretty surprised by my coming out to him. He said if I was worried about him passing judgment on me, that I shouldn’t worry because he will not do so.

Later I was looking at the site fmylife. It has all sorts of people who write about something that just sucks about their life. I saw this one and laughed very hard:

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn’t mean separately. FML

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