The Blues

May 4th, 2010

I didn’t know what today has in store for me. This was one of those days with nothing except for softball planned. The way the weather was holding out I thought we might play. I was starting to make serious plans to play. But I found out around four o’clock PM that it was cancelled. The cancellation of softball left it open for me to go to OTEP training in Albion. We covered trauma assessments.

As the day started out I did a lot on my computer. I was reading up on some stuff online. I tried to find some resources that will tell me how to get the alternator out of my motorhome. I failed at that.

After training I came home and got online again. I chatted with someone online for about an hour talking about being a firefighter and houses. I was watching NCIS when they paged for a transfer. Then they paged for reserves. I waited about one or two minutes to call in. I have to get up early for my interview so I chose to allow someone else to take it so I could sleep. I knew if I took it I wouldn’t get back until late. I was the only one who called in.

I was told I was working with Chia. That would be interesting. He thinks I am mad at him right now. He tried to call me a while back and I didn’t call him back after he left a message. But what I found is that after I left the fire department working full-time I was forgotten about and not asked to participate with stuff. I came to the realization that we were co-workers who did some stuff outside of work rather than friends.

That said, when I got the call from him I know he wanted me for something other than to hang out. I figured it was something computer related or something related to the SO. I figured I would get back to him when I could.

A couple weeks ago he sent me a message on facebook saying that he hadn’t heard from me in a while and wanted to know if he did something to make me mad. I never responded, but there is nothing I am mad about. There have been many times where I sent him texts or said stuff on his facebook page with no response.

We went to Spokane and dropped off our patient. As we were coming back to Pullman, he said now that I have you trapped I want to know what I did to make you mad. I told him nothing. He pushed the issue several times, each time I told him I wasn’t mad. Later we were driving down the road and he fell asleep. I was thinking about how I could tell him what was up, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. Then he woke up and again asked if I was ready to talk. I wasn’t.

I was also thinking about things at the SO. I like the work, but I feel like every time I am in the same room with one guy he gives me a hard time. I don’t mind that because he does that to everyone and I laugh about it. But it also feels like I get “yelled” at for things. It feels like I am being held to a higher standard than some of the other guys. I am not sure if it is because more is expected of me or if it is something else. He has also given me some nice atta boy’s too. So, I am totally lost about how to read him. I know I haven’t done anything wrong while I have been there, but it feels like I cannot walk across the floor correctly. It makes going into the SO something I don’t want to do when that person is around. Who know, I am probably being hyper-sensitive.

But the whole trip back to Pullman I was very quiet. I didn’t say much of anything at all. When we got to the station I entered the call into the book. Chia completed his stuff and then left the room without saying anything. I left the station and went home to go to bed.

I need to talk to Chia, but I am not sure how to say what I am feeling. Really it is just that I feel like we are nothing more than co-workers. But that said I should be able to talk to him like I can my other co-workers. Last night was just a bad night with both of these things running through my head.


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