Gun Not So Clean

At the class this evening all guns were checked for being clean. I had cleaned my gun, but it was still a little dirty and it was discovered. I was made to do twenty-five push ups. That sucked. I was mad that it was dirty. The class got out a little early today. We talked about suicide and para-suicide. Then we went over the test.

Today was Peter’s birthday. It always brings me up to a dilemma. I have a situation that has been going on for years. I am too much of a wuss to actually ask Peter point-blank what happened.

I met Peter when he was a freshman at WSU. We became friends then best friends. We were always together. Going to football games, playing basketball, watching TV, playing on the computer, talking politics, and even doing the radio show together. I actually came out to him towards the end of the school year. That was tough because he was a Southern Baptist and very conservative. But he said he didn’t care and had actually figured out I was gay long before I told him. He said “you don’t become as good of friends as we are without figuring out that kind of stuff.”

The following school year things started out okay, but then one day he stopped calling, responding to e-mails and voice mails. He just stopped communicating with me. Once in a blue moon I would get a hold of him, but he would blow me off. That went on for a long time. I didn’t know what was going on and I was very sad about it.

To this day I still don’t know what happened. Why he did that to me. Since that time we have hung out more after he moved to Bellevue. It is sort of like it never happened, but I still am very self conscious about it when I am around him. I have a hard time looking him in the eye. I need to know why he did it. During his twenty-one run several years ago he invited me out on it. After the end of the night he was very drunk and he said that he was sorry for being such an “asshole” to me. I wanted to ask him more at that time, but I never did.

I wished him a happy birthday and he said that when I am in town next time we need to hang out. He said it has been too long since we last hung out. I want to get with him, but I have to get the courage to ask him what happened. Why he just stopped being my friend and dropped me like a dirty whore.